


at last (my love has come along)

by gazing



Category: Ratched (TV)
Genre: 10k+ of... gay, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Communication, Dom/sub, Eventual Smut, F/F, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, Pining, Praise Kink, Smut, Tender Sex, Tenderness, Trust Issues, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, a necessity for any mildolyn fic, gwendolyn just needs a little time, i did start crying im not gonna lie, i think mildred power bottom, they talk about feelings a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:13:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28753440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gazing/pseuds/gazing
Summary: In 'The Bucket List', Mildred turns up at Gwendolyn's house determined to make things right. Only this time, Gwendolyn is already gone.With an overnight bag and her heart in her hands, Mildred sets out to Connecticut.
Relationships: Gwendolyn Briggs/Mildred Ratched
Comments: 15
Kudos: 140





	at last (my love has come along)

**Author's Note:**

> has anyone written this yet?? 
> 
> i'm busy writing blush of a rose right now but once this idea popped into my mind it wouldn't go away

And maybe I don't quite know what to say

But I'm here in your doorway

I just wanted you to know

That _this is me trying_

_*_

(here is how I imagine Gwendolyn's cottage in Connecticut)

*

Mildred's mind is whirling as she knocks on Gwendolyn's front door.

She stares at the pale wood of the door, waiting for it to crack open. Mildred has always had a calmer temperament than most: it's not often that strong feelings get the better of her. But as she stands here she can hear her pulse in her ears, pounding, and she knows it will struggle against her ribs when Gwendolyn appears in the doorway. There is little to do but stand in silence, completely still.

Then Gwendolyn's husband appears in front of her, tears shining in his eyes. Mildred blinks.

"Hello?" He asks, dully, and Mildred's eyes flicker behind him, searching for the shadow of Gwendolyn through the dimly lit hallway.

"Is Gwendolyn here?" Mildred asks. Already there is a chill of dread upon her.

"Sorry, who are you?" The man's face changes as he looks at Mildred's face for a while, and then he gives her a sympathetic smile. "Oh, you're Mildred, aren't you?"

"Yes." Mildred turns to him. "Where is she? She checked out of the motel and she won't answer my calls. I need to speak to her."

"I wouldn't bother." The man says, "She's gone."

"She's- what?" Mildred's throat trembles as she swallows.

Here it is, Mildred thinks, the landing blow. _Gone._ It was what she had feared. So often had she run from Gwendolyn. It's ironic, now that she's in Gwendolyn's shoes, and Gwendolyn is the one that has disappeared.

"She took all of her clothes and her suitcase and left an hour ago." The man runs a hand over his face. He loves her, Mildred thinks. They must have been close, must have been friends. He's suffering her loss too.

"Where?" The man bites his lip. "Tell me, Mr. Briggs."

Gwendolyn's husband finally sighs and nods. Trevor, Mildred thinks his name was.

"She's went to her mother's house in Connecticut." Trevor says.

" _Connecticut?"_

Mildred is still, her posture straight and even, but there is _hurt_ blooming inside of her. Yes, she had betrayed Gwendolyn, had lied to her repeatedly, but Gwendolyn did not have to leave. Mildred was going to tell her she loved her. They could've been _happy._ Now they are apart and Mildred must seek her, across states.

"Do you have the address?"

"Surely you do not wish to go to her?"

"I do." Mildred says simply. "Now, write her mother's address down for me."

"But she-" Trevor pauses, "She said you didn't love her. Why do you want to find her?"

Mildred's heart aches, when she hears his words. No, Mildred thinks, I do love you. Of _course_ I love you.

"Give it to me." Mildred says sternly. If he does not comply she'll find it herself, and that will be much more messy. Luckily, Trevor just sighs.

"Alright." He finally says, and steps away from the door. "Come in. But you didn't get it from me. She'd kill me if she knew I'd given it to you, and I mean that."

Mildred quirks a smile, at that.

"I won't breathe a word of it." She says, and Trevor manages a smile back before disappearing into the hallway.

Mildred steps out of the warm air and into the house. She looks around the living room curiously, her hands trailing over the sofa, the fireplace. There is an empty glass - is it Gwendolyn's? Mildred imagines her inhabiting the spaces here.

"Here." Trevor hands a slip of paper to her, and Mildred folds it carefully between her fingers. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Mildred just raises an eyebrow.

"Well, good luck." He says.

"Thank you." Mildred says. Her eyes flicker over his face. She wonders if he has found happiness, like she has with Gwendolyn, and finds herself hoping that he has.

There are no words left to say. Mildred gives him a nod before turning to leave.

"Mildred." Trevor calls.

Mildred turns her head.

"Will you take care of her, for me?" Trevor asks.

"Yes." Mildred says warmly, a smile rising in her cheeks, despite everything. "Yes, I will."

*

The journey is a blur.

Mildred does not realise how far Connecticut is from California until she is on the plane. She watches the skies pass by, her hands folded on her lap, with trepidation, anticipation. Over and over she replays recent events and wonders what she should say, and what she could do, to make everything better.

She had not wanted to hurt Gwendolyn. Since they met Mildred has pushed the other woman away, but she had eventually softened and had slowly, delicately, fallen in love with her. But it was too late, wasn't it? By the time she had realised the truth in her heart she had already hurt Gwendolyn too much.

Mildred's lip quivers. She is trying so hard to keep her feelings contained, but 6 hours is a lot of time to be locked within your mind. She wonders if the plane journey for Gwendolyn was just as hard. How had she felt as the hours stretched on and she flew further and further from Mildred?

Hours later and she is climbing into a taxi, shadows under her eyes, from the airport. Mildred rests her bag in her lap and relays the address to her driver - it will be an hour, he warns, but Mildred does not mind it. Another hour of waiting, compared to the weeks and months she made Gwendolyn wait for her heart... it was nothing.

By now it is dark. It would be pitch black if not for the city lights, the billboards, the light of laughter in the streets that drifts by. Mildred marvels at the sights, and at the river in the centre of town. This is where Gwendolyn grew up, she thinks. What a pleasure to be here.

"Long trip, Miss?" The driver asks conversationally.

"Yes." Mildred says, "Longer than you know."

As the hour drags on Mildred watches the city turn into greenery, thickets of trees replacing tall buildings. They are closer to the sea. Mildred can see it through the night, on the horizon.

"Here we are." The driver says, and Mildred's heart flutters nervously.

"Thank you." She says, and pays the driver in cash, before climbing out of the taxi.

In the air she can smell sea salt. It is colder than it was when she left the airport, and in the dark she stares at the cottage in front of her. It's Gwendolyn's home, perhaps the very place she grew up in. Mildred swallows as she stares at it.

The cottage is small, and lined with flowers. A cobblestone path leads to the door. It is so far removed from anywhere Mildred has lived so far that she marvels at it for a moment. It looks more like a home than her motel room, and the houses she had lived in as a child.

In the dark she takes one, single deep breath. Lets it out slowly.

"Here we go." Mildred says, to herself. She grips her bag tighter, straightens her back, and knocks on the door. Her heart pounds dangerously as she waits.

For the second time that day it is not Gwendolyn who answers the front door. This time it is an grey-haired elderly woman, with a surprisingly stern face despite her outward appearance. Her dressing gown hangs past her knees and she's holding onto a cup of tea, as if she had refused to put it down to answer the door.

"Can I help you?" The woman asks, firm but friendly. Gwendolyn looks like her, Mildred thinks, around the eyes.

"Yes, I believe you can. Is Gwendolyn Briggs here?"

"Who's asking?"

Mildred pauses, considering the question.

"A friend." Mildred says, at last. "Please tell her Mildred Ratched is here."

The woman considers her a moment before opening the door wider. Her smile is gentle, but strong as the flower petals in the garden - she seems much like Gwendolyn, at first glance.

"Tell her yourself." The woman says, and disappears into the hallway with her tea.

Mildred swallows and pulls off her coat. She hangs it before following the woman through the small house. This place is so much cozier than Gwendolyn's house with Trevor - and warmer, too. As she walks Mildred sees pictures of Gwendolyn on the wall. One catches her eye. A younger Gwendolyn, with longer hair, with her arm wrapped around her mother's shoulder.

"She's just in here." Gwendolyn's mother says, as they pass by the picture frame and stop in front of a closed door.

"Thank you." Mildred nods, and the woman disappears.

Mildred is left alone in the dark. For a moment her heart stutters and she's frozen with her hand over the doorknob. Then, she turns it, and walks inside of the room.

Gwendolyn looks up when she enters.

"Mildred?" Gwendolyn asks.

There is a moment when they just look at each other. Gwendolyn seems different, in this bedroom. She's dressed more casually than Mildred has ever seen her. Her hair is undone, soft around her shoulders. Her sweater is long and she is tucked into an armchair, with tea and a book and shadows under her eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Gwendolyn's face is closed to Mildred. Cold as the sea air. "How did you find me?"

Mildred swallows, stepping closer. She drops her bag on the floor.

"Trevor told me your address." She confesses, "I went to your house."

" _Why_ would you do that?" Mildred can see Gwendolyn's defensive anger, slipping through. She has noticed recently that Gwendolyn gets angry when she is scared and vulnerable. Slowly, Mildred takes another step forward.

"You didn't answer my calls, you checked out of the motel. I went to your house and you were gone. What else was I supposed to do?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe leave me alone?" Gwendolyn says, "I thought I made it pretty clear that I didn't want to be found."

"I needed to speak to you-" Mildred says desperately.

"Lie to me again, you mean." Gwendolyn's jaw is clenched as she looks into Mildred's eyes. Mildred wants to plead with her, wants to fall to her knees and say, _I'm sorry, I love you,_ but Gwendolyn probably wouldn't even believe her. "Well I'm sorry, but I'm tired of being used by you, Mildred. You shouldn't have come here."

"Gwendolyn, listen-"

"No, _you_ listen." Gwendolyn stands and steps closer to the window, and Mildred follows. One step, one step. She wants to take Gwendolyn into her arms and whisper, _sorry, sorry, sorry._ "I don't want to be so tangled up in you. I'm tired of this- this _life_ you've forced me into. I want to be done with you. I don't want you to haunt me anymore. So just leave me, please, Mildred."

"I will not." Mildred says, stepping closer again. "I will _not_ leave you."

"How can you say that?" Gwendolyn shakes her head, "How can you stand there and profess such a thing when you have done nothing but lie to me since the moment we met?"

"I never lied to you."

Gwendolyn scoffs.

"Sins of omissions are still lies, Mildred."

"Every lie I told was for the sake of my brother. I admit my actions were completely amoral, but I do not regret what I've done. I would do all of it again." Mildred steps closer again, her hands trembling. She wants to reach for Gwendolyn, but Gwendolyn has stepped away again, towards her bed. "But what I do regret is that you seem to think I have tricked you."

"Oh, you haven't?" Gwendolyn laughs, mocking. To disguise her pain, Mildred thinks sadly.

"I have never lied. Not to you." Mildred pauses, swallows, "Every moment with you was true, Gwendolyn. More true than anything I have ever known."

"I don't even know how to believe that."

"It is true." Mildred's voice cracks. She can feel tears, cannot fight them anymore. "Listen to me! I love you. I have, I do, and I will. I love you and I will not leave you."

Gwendolyn shakes her head, tears burning in her own eyes. Mildred can see them glimmering in the dark bedroom.

"Don't you dare say that." Gwendolyn says, but her voice has softened. "Don't you dare come here and try to drag me back into your world."

"You have your own will, Gwendolyn. You can do whatever you wish, and I cannot stop you." Mildred's throat trembles. She wipes a tear from her eye quickly, before it falls. "But I _need_ you to know that my feelings for you are the truest thing in me. Nothing can change that."

The confession is warm as it bursts from Mildred. She has never felt so completely in love, so completely at home, and so completely... raw. Mildred is not used to honesty - it burns her throat. Gwendolyn trembles and shakes her head again, one hand on her chest. The silence is painful, loud.

"What are you doing, Mildred?" Gwendolyn finally asks, "The hospital needs you. Edmund Tolleson is going to get the electric chair. Why have you come here?"

Mildred smiles.

"There is nothing more important than you. I'd leave it all in a heartbeat just for you. For a life with you."

Gwendolyn backs away from her, right against the wall, and runs a hand over her face.

"Stop it." She finally says, "Just _go._ Get a ticket back to California and leave me here. I don't want- _I don't want to feel like this anymore._ "

The hurt and fury in her voice makes Mildred ache

"It is too late to take the trip to the airport." Mildred says, "It is almost midnight."

"I will drive you."

"There are no flights for tonight."

"You're lying."

Mildred shrugs.

"You cannot leave me alone, in the middle of the night." Mildred says, "At least let me stay with you, for just tonight. I will take a plane back home in the morning."

Mildred already knows she won't be leaving in the morning. She will not leave here until she has made sure Gwendolyn is with her, and knows, deep in her heart, that Mildred loves her.

Gwendolyn let’s out a long sigh.

“Fine.” She says, turning to the window. “Feel free to make yourself at home.”

It’s sarcastic, of course. Mildred smiles at Gwendolyn’s back fondly.

“I will, thank you.” Mildred stays there for a moment longer, hoping despite herself that Gwendolyn will turn and smile and kiss her. But it will be a while, Mildred thinks, before such a thing can happen. “Goodnight, Gwendolyn.”

Silence. Mildred picks up her bag and leaves, glancing at Gwendolyn’s shadow in her bedroom one last time.

*

Mildred’s wakes in Gwendolyn’s guest bedroom to the sound of birds.

They tweet and sing in the early morning, bright as the sun. Mildred stares up at the ceiling, her mind replaying Gwendolyn’s hurt face over and over again. How is she to make it up to Gwendolyn? How can she make everything alright again? Suddenly Mildred wishes she had savoured their lovely dinner dates just a little more.

She dresses in a pale yellow dress and ties up her hair. Loosely, as she has nowhere to go - and no need, she thinks, to impress Gwendolyn. Their love transcends any physical insecurities, any critical thoughts either of them might have about their bodies. Though it would be nice to dress up for her, wouldn’t it, Mildred thinks, and stores the fantasy away for later.

The cottage is quiet. Mildred steps quietly into the hallway, and hears voices from a room a few feet away. Curiously, she slips through the door. .

It is a kitchen, with hanging plants, and a view of the back garden. Mildred stops when she sees Gwendolyn and her mother at the table.

“Oh, good morning.” Her mother says, “Mildred, wasn’t it?”

“Yes.” Mildred says, smiling warmly. She slips into the seat opposite Gwendolyn, but Gwendolyn does not look at her, only looks resolutely out of the window. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I caught your name yesterday.”

“Marjorie.” Marjorie holds out a hand, and Mildred shakes it politely. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. There is coffee there for you. Do you like pancakes?”

“I do.”

Marjorie smiles.

“It’s a good job, because I made plenty. And Gwendolyn had refused me three times now.” Marjorie winks at Mildred, who’s smile widens. She is jealous of the domesticity, here.

“Well, that won't do.” Mildred says. She directs a smile towards Gwendolyn, who still won’t look at her.

“Tell me,” Marjorie says, “How did you two meet?”

Mildred watches Gwendolyn’s mother pile the pancakes onto a plate. She drinks gratefully for the warm coffee, finding it to be exactly to her taste. 

“Governor Wilburn came to the hospital where I work.” Mildred explains. Gwendolyn still does not glance away from the window, even as Mildred speaks. “Gwendolyn showed me around town.”

“Friendly, our Gwen is.” Marjorie says fondly. She rests a pile of pancakes and a pot of honey in front of Mildred. And Mildred, feeling childish and at home, pours a decent amount onto the pancakes. It is time, she thinks, to try new things.

“Oh, she was lovely.” Mildred says, “We went to this gorgeous seafood bar.”

“Well, don’t make me jealous.” Marjorie chuckles, sitting down beside Mildred. “I do hope putting up with her wasn’t too troublesome for you.”

“Oh, no.” Mildred laughs. “I rather think it’s me who was the troublesome one.”

Gwendolyn glances at Mildred as Mildred bites into a pancake and feels a burst of sweetness. She hums.

“This is lovely.” She murmurs, never taking her eyes from Gwendolyn's. She is hesitant to break the stare because if she does, who knows when Gwendolyn will look back at her with those lovely eyes again?

“Thank you, dear.” Marjorie says.

Gwendolyn’s arms are crossed. Her eyes flicker away from Mildred and she stares resolutely at the tablecloth, her coffee steaming in front of her.

“So what brings you here?” Marjorie asks. “You see, I was quite surprised by Gwendolyn’s arrival. I was delighted, of course, but I wasn’t expecting her.”

“Yes.” Mildred smiles, “The best things often happen when you least expect them, don’t they?”

It’s true. Gwendolyn had sauntered into her life as if she belonged there and planted roots in Mildred’s heart. It was completely unexpected. Mildred had never known what it was to be in love, and she thought she never would.

“I came here to apologise.” Mildred finally says, “And to set the record straight.”

“Ah, good luck.” Marjorie chuckles, “Gwendolyn can be rather stubborn when she wants to be.”

“Yes, that’s true.”

Mildred continues to eat, pancakes and honey, sweetness warm on her tongue. She is used to skipping meals, to neglecting herself. It is surprisingly nice to be full.

Gwendolyn looks at her across the table, under the sun.

“Mildred,” She says, “You have-“

She gestures to her face. Mildred wipes honey from her chin with a handkerchief, and giggles. There is a hint of a smile on Gwendolyn’s face, crinkling beside her eyes.

Mildred’s heart lifts with hope. How could she keep that smile there? How could she make everything alright again?

The spell is broken by Marjorie’s voice.

“So how long do you plan on staying, Mildred?”

Before Mildred can respond, Gwendolyn has cut in, harsh and bright. In her dressing gown, with her arms so tightly crossed, she is a mixture of closed and open. He voice is cold as the morning but she is warm, really, so utterly and completely warm. Her heart is softer than she would admit. Mildred wishes to go to Gwendolyn, and soothe her. But it isn’t the time.

“She won’t be here long. I’m driving Mildred to the airport this morning.”

“Oh?” Marjorie frowns, “But you said you’d tend to the greenhouse this morning, Gwendolyn. It needs work.”

Gwendolyn sighs.

“Can it not wait?”

“Well, why don’t you get your friend to help you before she leaves?” Marjorie says, “She appears to be a kind young woman.”

Gwendolyn does not answer that. She stands quickly, and her chair scrapes across the kitchen floor. There is her hair in her eyes and her shadow lands on the kitchen wall and Mildred finds her beautiful.

“I don't care." Gwendolyn says sternly. “Do whatever you want, Mildred.”

She leaves. Mildred watches her disappear from the kitchen and a part of her goes with her.

“What on _earth_ did you do to her?” Marjorie asks.

“I did enough.” Mildred says quietly.

*

The greenhouse is warm, and fresh.

Mildred steps inside curiously. She looks at vegetable plants as she steps forward, towards Gwendolyn, who is watering some of the plants. She looks so unlike herself, Mildred thinks. In old dungarees, her hair loose, her face crumpled with sadness, she looks so young. So tired.

"When I thought of your childhood home," Mildred says, "This is not what I imagined."

Gwendolyn glances up at her. There is red around her eyes, and it is Mildred's turn to look away.

"Yes, well." She says shortly.

"I expected something... bigger. More expensive, perhaps." Mildred continues, "But in hindsight I should've known."

Gwendolyn does not reply, sprinkling water. The sun hits the greenhouse and casts them both in shadow. Mildred steps towards Gwendolyn and rests a gentle hand on her arm. Her fingers spark with electricity when they land on Gwendolyn's skin.

"May I join you?" Mildred asks quietly.

Gwendolyn flinches away from her touch and Mildred's hand stays hovering in the air for a few seconds before it falls limply to her side.

"I can't stop you." Gwendolyn says.

Mildred wanders around the greenhouse, exploring more. It is small, but well stocked, and it fits Gwendolyn surprisingly well. Her image of the woman is beginning to change. She is so much gentler than Mildred anticipated, and so full of secrets that Mildred can't wait to uncover.

"Was home the first place you thought of, when you planned to leave?" Mildred asks, brushing her finger along a leaf.

"I can get a job in politics, here, and I am near the coast." Gwendolyn shrugs. "It was a place to go."

"You didn't have to leave." Mildred says, "We could've worked it out together. We could have-"

"I was _tired_ , Mildred." Gwendolyn says, "God, I was tired. Governor Wilburn would have ruined any opportunity I had for a new position in Government. I was sick of chasing after you and getting nothing in return. I had already left Trevor, so there was nothing holding me to California."

"So you left."

"You say it as if it was the wrong decision."

"It was." Mildred says, "I _needed_ you."

Gwendolyn laughs. She puts down the watering can with a clatter.

"What about all of the times I needed _you_?" Gwendolyn asks, "It doesn't matter. I thought if I left there I could finally be free of you. But clearly I was wrong. You followed me here anyway, and I can't have any peace."

"You don't want peace, Gwendolyn." Mildred says.

Gwendolyn's face flickers with emotion.

"What do you know of what I want?"

Mildred smiles at the question, teasing and coy, and Gwendolyn shakes her head. But she is softening, Mildred thinks, opening up to Mildred slowly under the sun, as a blooming flower opens it's petals in spring. One day Gwendolyn will trust her again. Mildred waits for it, patiently.

"If you are going to stay here, then make yourself useful." Gwendolyn says, "Pot a few of these herbs for me."

She gestures to the empty pots and seeds on the floor beside her, and Mildred nods. It is novel, to see Gwendolyn surrounded by greenery and plants, soil underneath her fingernails. It suits her, Mildred thinks. She is suddenly consumed by images of having her own house with Gwendolyn. Their own garden. A home together, where they are safe to love one another, and they never hurt again.

Mildred begins the process of planting the herbs. She is unsure of the process - she is not used to such things. But it feels homely. The soil on her fingers, cold and damp. The smell of the greenhouse, like freshly cut grass, and vegetable soup.

Though she thinks she must not have a lot of skill in gardening. She has covered the counter and the floor in soil, and has lost several seeds already. Mildred is not used to being so messy, so unrefined. A giggle begins to catch in her throat.

"What are you doing, Mildred?" Gwendolyn asks.

"I'm gardening." Mildred says, pressing down the soil into a pot.

Gwendolyn steps towards her and wraps her arms around her back, stilling Mildred's hands. They are stained with soil, not pale and elegant as they usually are. Gwendolyn is warm and her chest rumbles against Mildred's back as she speaks.

"You need to be more careful with the seeds." Gwendolyn says. She guides Mildred's hands and makes her sprinkle them into the pot, slowly. "You must place them a certain amount of space apart, or they won't grow properly."

"I haven't done this before." Mildred says. She is not even watching Gwendolyn. Her eyes are closed - being so close to the woman she loves has made her feel hazy and warm. Mildred is completely consumed by the smell of Gwendolyn's perfume.

"Clearly." Gwendolyn chuckles, and she sounds so much more like herself that Mildred dares to open her eyes.

She turn in Gwendolyn's arms, so that they are looking at each other, and Gwendolyn is holding her against the counter. She looks up into Gwendolyn's face, and presses her stained hands against Gwendolyn's chest. Soil lingers there, on her shirt.

"We could have this." Mildred says softly, "Breakfast, and gardening, and- and _home_. I want to make a home with you, Gwendolyn."

Gwendolyn's eyes become pained.

"Don't." She says, "Please."

"I found Hanover dead several days ago." Mildred says, in a breath before Gwendolyn can run away from her again. She is rash and desperate. "I've recently come into some money, and we could- we could run away together. We could find somewhere to stay and-"

"Stop it, Mildred." Gwendolyn's throat trembles. "Can't you see that you're hurting me?"

Mildred taps gently on Gwendolyn's chest, soothing, wishing she could somehow soothe the pain and suffering they've both lived through.

"I'm sorry." Mildred says, almost a whisper in the fresh, growing greenhouse, "Won't you forgive me, Gwendolyn?"

Gwendolyn looks down at her, all of her walls crumbling like sand. She reaches up a hand and runs a thumb gently over Mildred's cheek. For one magical, heart stopping moment Mildred thinks Gwendolyn might kiss her. Her eyes flicker over Mildred's face.

"Soil." She says quietly, and then lets out a shaky breath and steps backwards. "Just finish the pots, Mildred. The sooner you can leave, the better."

Mildred sighs and turns to the soil. Her hands are still trembling. It is hard, she thinks, being with Gwendolyn. It is hard to love someone this much.

*

By the time they have tended to the greenhouse it is noon, and they eat sandwiches in silence in the kitchen.

Mildred can't help but be reminded of their first meeting. Oh, how Gwendolyn had come to her, with the most alluring of smiles, with charm and promise glittering in her eyes. It has been a long time since then. There is something subdued, now, in Gwendolyn's eyes, and Mildred can't help but think it's because of her.

"It's time for you to go." Gwendolyn says at last, and Mildred's heart speaks for her.

"I was thinking, aren't we close to the coast? We should go for a walk on the beach. You could show me the sea."

Mildred has been thinking of this since she arrived. She can't help but wish to take Gwendolyn's hand as the ocean waves crash behind them. Gwendolyn shakes her head.

"You have stayed long enough."

"You don't want me to go. I know you don't." Mildred says, "If I were to fly home now, with thousands of miles between us, it would not fix anything."

"There is nothing to fix, Mildred!" Gwendolyn says, loud and hurt, "You made sure that I was always kept at a polite distance, and you continued to lie to me, and now we are here. What did you expect to happen? Well I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. I want you to go."

"It will not hurt any less, if I am not here. You know that, right?"

"You can't imagine how much it already hurts," Gwendolyn says, "It couldn't possibly get any worse."

"I am sorry, darling." Mildred says, "But I cannot leave here and risk losing you forever."

Gwendolyn's eyes flutter shut, pained. It is then that Mildred knows she has won.

"You will never give me mercy, will you?" She murmurs.

"No." Mildred says.

"We can go to the sea." Gwendolyn sighs at last, "But that is all."

Mildred smiles.

"Let me get my coat." She says.

They walk together, through sea air and afternoon sunshine, through the lines of cottages and out near the sea. As they grow closer Mildred can hear the waves, and can see blue on the horizon. She walks in step with a quiet, brooding Gwendolyn, her heart full of anticipation.

Mildred takes off her shoes when they are close. At the first touch of the sand against the soles of her bare feet she giggles.

"What on earth are you doing?" Gwendolyn asks, her mouth twitching.

"Lately I've been thinking I'm far too serious." Mildred smiles. The sand tickles her feet, and she kicks at it.

"It's about time you realised that." Gwendolyn says, and Mildred is delighted to see that smile, rising in her cheeks.

"I want to see the sea." She says, and steps towards it.

It isn't long before the waves are brushing against her feet, cold and fresh. Mildred laughs and tries to avoid the waves drifting into the shore, making a sort of game of it. She hasn't felt so young and free in her life, and she thinks she owes it to Gwendolyn, who has opened her heart to new experiences.

"Mildred, what has gotten into you?" Gwendolyn laughs. Mildred hears it and delights in it, her heart lifting when she finally hears that chuckle through the wind.

"You laughed." Mildred calls to her.

"Don't hold it against me. You look rather ridiculous right now."

She supposes she does. Holding up her skirt with her feet bare and her arms tucked into her, she feels powerful, invincible, so completely happy. She wishes for Gwendolyn to feel the same joy too. If only they could leave behind their regrets and their suffering, maybe they could be happy.

Eventually it grows too cold to be in the sea, and Mildred steps away. Gwendolyn is sitting on the sand now, watching her. Her legs, in dark trousers, are pulled up to her knees, and she looks so small and so young.

"Are you happy, now?" Gwendolyn asks.

"Quite." Mildred admits. "You should have joined me."

"No, I don't think so." Gwendolyn says. Mildred ignores her, and holds out a hand.

"Walk with me." She says. Gwendolyn stares at her outstretched hand for a moment.

Finally, she takes it. Her palm is warm and rough in Mildred's own, and as she is pulled to her feet Mildred holds onto her and doesn't let go. With Gwendolyn's larger hand wrapped around her own Mildred is content, and even though Gwendolyn attempts to escape her grip, Mildred holds on tightly.

"I suppose we should go back." Mildred says, and it sounds as if they are about to go home together, as if the live together. Mildred wishes that were true. Gwendolyn doesn't look at her, but stops trying to tug her hand free, and Mildred tucks it against her side. Close. Warm. Their own home, just for this moment.

The sun is growing colder as it sets. The sky is alight with pink and orange shadows, and they watch the horizon change colour as they walk back to Gwendolyn's family home. Mildred attempts to capture the moment. Gwendolyn's hand in her own is at once magical and so very real, a grounding point of contact.

"Thank you, for taking me here." Mildred says softly, "I never got to spend time at the beach as a child. It felt... nice."

"I spend a lot of time near the sea, when I was young." Gwendolyn admits. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yes." Mildred says, her thumb rubbing the back of Gwendolyn's hand. "Yes, it is."

The hem of Mildred's dress is wet. She walks along the lines of cottages feeling content, and she wishes for this feeling to stay. She wants to wish away the past, the future, all of the horrid and cruel things that she has done, and that have been done to her.

"I can't change the past for you." Mildred says, looking out at the sunset. "And I wouldn't even if I could."

Gwendolyn glances down at her.

"But can't we shape our future together?" Mildred asks, "Can't we get away from all of the lies, and the pain, and just love each other? It doesn't have to be like this."

Gwendolyn doesn't answer. Mildred just holds onto her hand, tighter than before, wishing for a miracle. In the sky she searches for shooting star that can save them from everything broken between them.

Eventually they reach the cottage. Gwendolyn stops by the door, and Mildred drops her hand.

"I suppose you will refuse to leave, if I ask?" Gwendolyn says.

Mildred smiles.

"You should know better than to ask, Gwendolyn." She says, and is that a smile on Gwendolyn's face, too, or is it just the glow of the sunset?

*

When they step into the kitchen, the back of their hands brushing _just_ slightly, there is a note waiting for them on the table.

"I am staying with a friend in town this evening." Mildred reads aloud, and then she smiles at what's written next, "Please behave. From, Marjorie."

Gwendolyn is unravelling her scarf. She raises an eyebrow at Mildred.

"She has left us behind." Mildred smiles.

"Well, I suppose we ought to make dinner." Gwendolyn says, glancing at the clock. "It's late."

Yes, Mildred thinks, the day has passed by in a blur. She can't remember the last time she simply existed. She had smiled in greenhouses, by the sea, with Gwendolyn's hand in her own... she wishes she could have this forever. She will, Mildred thinks, they both will.

"Soup, I think." Mildred smiles.

"I thought the same." Gwendolyn says, surprised. "If you insist on staying, you can help."

She is softened by the evening and as she throws Mildred an apron Mildred grows hopeful that tonight will go _much_ better than the last had went. Perhaps tonight Gwendolyn might gather Mildred in her arms. Make love to her. _Perhaps-_

Mildred's thoughts are interrupted by Gwendolyn.

"Do put your apron on, Mildred." Gwendolyn says, "My mother is very particular about her kitchen."

Mildred smiles and pulls it on. She struggles with tying the knot behind her, however, her hands fumbling around the string. It's uncharacteristic of her to be so clumsy. But in this kitchen, with Gwendolyn with her, she has grown nervous - and she grows even more so when Gwendolyn steps towards her.

"Could you help me with this?" Mildred asks quietly.

Gwendolyn steps closer, her face uncertain. She steps behind Mildred, and as she ties the knot securely around Mildred's back, Mildred can feel her breath against her neck. Mildred's heart pounds as Gwendolyn stands close to her, and she can see their reflection in the kitchen mirror. Two women, completely in love, yet so afraid.

"There you are." Gwendolyn breathes. She lingers there for a moment, breathing unsteadily, before she sighs and steps back.

Mildred swallows, her heart fluttering nervously. If it had been a moment longer she would have been unable to help herself.

"Why don't you start chopping vegetables?" Gwendolyn asks, avoiding her eyes. Mildred nods.

They work well together. Mildred had known that would be the case. Mildred chops fresh vegetables from the greenhouse, the knife splitting the plants easily. If there is one thing she can do, it's cook. Her foster parents were always neglectful and left her hungry - Mildred was familiar with making a nutritious meal quickly and with little ingredients, to save both herself and her brother from malnutrition.

How lovely it is, Mildred thinks, to cook beside Gwendolyn. Their arms brush as they move around the kitchen. Mildred can't help but imagine their very own kitchen. Couldn't they cook together there? Couldn't Gwendolyn kiss her against the counter, and love her?

Before long the soup is boiling and Gwendolyn is leaning against the counter, drinking a glass of champagne. Mildred has her own, but she leaves it by the oven. She does not want it, preferring to watch Gwendolyn drink.

"What?" Gwendolyn asks, after a few minutes of Mildred's silent stares. The kitchen has begun to smell like soup.

"Am I not allowed to look at you?"

Gwendolyn gives her an amused glance.

"It's funny." Gwendolyn says, "Once it had been me looking at you, and wishing you would look back."

"I was always looking." Mildred says.

It's true. From the very moment they saw one another, their eyes meeting as if drawn to one another, Mildred has been looking at her. Gwendolyn's lovely, sharp face, her golden hair, the way she moves through the world with confidence, with strength. She is art itself.

"Really?" Gwendolyn asks, disbelieving.

"I always saw you." Mildred says quietly, her words the only sound in the kitchen, apart from the bubbling pan. They resonate. They sink in, at last - Mildred watches as Gwendolyn's eyes flicker with emotion. "I've always seen you, Gwendolyn."

Gwendolyn swallows more champagne. If Mildred kissed it, would she taste it on her lips?

"I used to wish I could read your mind." Gwendolyn says suddenly.

"Hm?"

"You always seem so lost in thought." Gwendolyn shrugs, "I wanted to know where you go. I wished I could follow you there."

Mildred's heart flutters.

"You did." Mildred admits.

Gwendolyn pauses, her fingers wrapped around her glass. She is melting, Mildred thinks. Her walls are crumbling down.

"For tonight," Mildred says, "Can't we just pretend that nothing has happened? Can't we just eat together, and spend an evening together, without anything else in the way?"

Gwendolyn considers her.

"Why?"

"Because it would be so lovely." Mildred says, her lip quivering. She is being more vulnerable than she wishes to be, but she is used to this happening around Gwendolyn now. "Just to be with you, Gwendolyn. I want just one night where I can pretend I have a home."

Gwendolyn pauses. She drinks more champagne, and then runs a hand over her face. Her hand is trembling, Mildred notices.

"The soup is ready." She finally says.

She spoons it into two bowls, and hands one to Mildred before pouring herself another glass of champagne.

"We should eat in the living room." Gwendolyn says, and steps out of the kitchen.

Mildred follows. She is not hungry - all she feels is tired of Gwendolyn not submitting to the love between them. Mildred herself has accepted it. She's at Gwendolyn's mercy. What will it take to convince her that the feelings between them are real? That Mildred won't leave her, or lie to her again?

The living room is warm and cozy, as Mildred remembers it. Gwendolyn sits at one end of the sofa, and Mildred another. A fitting separation, Mildred thinks, blowing on her spoon.

"It's good." Gwendolyn says, and Mildred nods.

"We work well together." Mildred says softly, "So I am not surprised."

In the living room, with the fire blazing, Mildred does feel at home. They finish their soup silently, spoons hitting the edges of the bowl. It feels so good, so new, to sit beside her so peacefully. Mildred loves it. She savours the taste of their soup on her tongue.

Once they are finished Gwendolyn stands. She looks down at Mildred with a slight warmth lingering in her eyes. Gwendolyn's frown can't chase it away.

"Let me take your bowl." She says. Mildred can pretend, here, that this is home. She smiles and passes it, and when their fingers touch it is as comforting as it is electric.

While Gwendolyn is gone Mildred glances around the living room. She smiles when she sees a record player - though she does not know music well, she stands and looks over at the records. She chooses one at random, and by the time Gwendolyn returns she is back on the sofa.

As Gwendolyn sits down beside her again, there is the irresistible lull of jazz crooning in the background.

"You found my records." Gwendolyn says.

"The music is nice." Mildred says.

She closes her eyes and lets out a content sigh. It has been a long and hard few months, and there is worse to come. For now, she can simply relax. There is nowhere more soothing than Gwendolyn's company.

Mildred almost melts when she feels a blanket drape across her.

"Here." Gwendolyn says, avoiding her eyes, and Mildred pulls it gratefully up to her chin.

"Thank you, Gwendolyn." Mildred says, warm and wanting. "This really does feel like home."

Gwendolyn swallows, taking another drink from her glass.

"You are still running from me." Mildred observes.

"Come on, Mildred. You are a nurse. You must know that hearts aren't easy to fix."

"Anything can be fixed, with enough patience and care." Mildred says. She reaches forward to touch Gwendolyn's hand, and Gwendolyn does not pull away from her. "Tell me. Do you believe I love you yet, darling?"

Gwendolyn swallows. She turns her palm, and Mildred interlocks their fingers.

"I don't know what to believe." She admits quietly. With the jazz, and Gwendolyn's eyes on her, and the warm blanket that smells faintly of Gwendolyn's perfume, Mildred feels perfectly happy.

"How often shall I say it, until it becomes a truth to you?" Mildred asks, "I love you, Gwendolyn."

"You are determined to be the death of me, Mildred." Gwendolyn sighs, shakily, and it won't be long before they are both close to tears, Mildred thinks. So she decides this time she will not let them be sad. There is too much love between them, for that. They have been sad for long enough. Enough for a lifetime.

"I have an idea." Mildred says. She stands, and the blanket falls from her knees. She pulls Gwendolyn to her feet with her.

"What are you doing?"

"We never did have that dance." Mildred says, placing her free hand on Gwendolyn's shoulder. Gwendolyn blinks at her, and her eyes go cloudy with emotion.

"Surely you don't mean-"

"Dance with me, Gwendolyn." Mildred smiles, and Gwendolyn's sharp intake of breath cuts through the living room.

"Oh, Mildred."

"Please." Mildred places Gwendolyn's hand on her waist, and Gwendolyn shudders.

So they sway, to the jazz Mildred doesn't know. Mildred steps closer to her, pressing her face into Gwendolyn's neck, breathing her in. She could make a home here, in the crook between Gwendolyn's neck and shoulder, where Gwendolyn's stray hairs tickle her neck.

Gwendolyn is stiff against her, at first. And then she melts, her head eventually pressing against Mildred's. Her hand is warm on Mildred's waist, and her fingers are clutching Mildred's tightly. There is nothing in the world like this, Mildred thinks. She knows suddenly that she will love Gwendolyn forever, and that she will always wish to dance with her.

Mildred does not dance often. She finds it amusing, when they stumble over each other. It seems fitting, Mildred thinks, that they are out of rhythm.

"You stepped on me." Gwendolyn chuckles.

"Oh, I apologise." Mildred giggles, smiling against Gwendolyn's neck.

When the record ends, only the sound of it spinning is left behind, but they still continue to sway in silence. Mildred breathes, in Gwendolyn's embrace, and never wants to leave. Oh, how delightful it is to be held by the woman she loves.

"Don't you see, now?" Mildred asks, holding Gwendolyn tighter to her. "You must know by now, surely. I do love you. I do want a life with you. I don't want to suffer anymore, and I don't want to be alone. Haven't I shown you that my intentions are honest?"

Gwendolyn sighs. She pushes Mildred away from her just slightly, so she can look into her face.

"Mildred, you must stop trying." Gwendolyn says. She bites her lip, her eyes glistening with love and terror. "For your own sake, please leave me. Please stop making me love you."

"I have already told you, I'm not leaving." Mildred says, "What are you so afraid of, Gwendolyn?"

Gwendolyn shakes her head, a tear slipping down her cheek.

"I love you." Mildred reaches up to kiss her, but Gwendolyn turns her head away. "Oh, darling, please tell me what's wrong. Tell me what I can to do fix what I've broken."

Gwendolyn closes her eyes and steps away from Mildred, tears coming hot and fast now. Mildred had wanted so badly for Gwendolyn to be happy, tonight. Why had it gone wrong?

"Oh, Mildred. It isn't you." Gwendolyn says at last. "You don't understand, I-"

Mildred steps towards her, her hands outstretched, and Gwendolyn steps back again, brushing her hands away.

"What is it? Tell me, please. Gwendolyn, you must." Mildred can feel tears returning to her, too. Her voice cracks. " _Please._ "

Mildred falls to her knees. She can't help herself. She clutches at Gwendolyn's trousers, and a sob catches in her throat.

"Please forgive me." Mildred pleads.

Gwendolyn is shaking.

"Stand up." She breathes, "Mildred, _stand up._ "

At her mercy, Mildred obeys.

Standing there in the dark, two shadows, Mildred wonders how this had happened. She had once had a heart made of stone. Now it is crackling like the fire, burning like coals in the fireplace. Real, painful, moulded by Gwendolyn's hands.

"I have already forgiven you. That is not the reason I cannot be with you. I have been pushing you away because I- Because I-" Gwendolyn presses a hand to her chest. She taps herself, perhaps subconsciously, a soothing gesture. "Mildred, I had an x-ray. It was just a routine check up, but they found a tumour inside of my left breast."

Mildred blinks. She feels her stomach drop. Of everything, she had not expected this.

"What?"

"I don't have long." Gwendolyn says, and Mildred shakes her head. _No, no._ "I can't torture the both of us by pretending it isn't true. I'm going to die soon, and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Gwendolyn." Mildred says. She reaches to cup Gwendolyn's face, cheeks soft under her palms. "Oh, darling."

Gwendolyn's eyes flutter shut. In pain, Mildred thinks. She has been hurt so much. By Mildred, by the world. When will it end?

"You must leave." Gwendolyn says, "You cannot _be_ with me, Mildred. You can't!"

Mildred shakes her head, tears glistening on her cheeks.

"It doesn't matter." She says, "It doesn't. We'll find someone- a doctor. I have money and time, and I can- we can-"

Gwendolyn sighs, trembling.

"Mildred, don't-" She raises her voice, but Mildred holds onto her, keeps her close.

"I won't give up on you." Mildred says, steady through her tears. "We will make a life together. I love you, more than anything in this world. You are the only person who has ever understood me and I wish-"

Mildred swallows her sob, brave.

"I wish I could take your pain as my own." Mildred says, "But I cannot."

Gwendolyn does not speak. Mildred presses their foreheads together.

"Please, let's not be alone anymore. We should be together." Mildred whispers. "I love you with everything I have."

Gwendolyn looks at her, with eyes wide and sparkling with tears that glitter like stars. Has it finally sunk in, Mildred thinks?

"How do I know you aren't lying to me again?" Gwendolyn asks.

"I have never been so honest before." Mildred says, and thinks she could be devoted to Gwendolyn forever.

"Then I will trust you." Gwendolyn finally says. Finally, finally, Mildred thinks, they belong to each other. "I will trust that you love me."

Gwendolyn wraps her arms around Mildred's back and suddenly Mildred is clutched into a tight, all consuming hug. She is held so close to Gwendolyn's chest she fears she might fall into it.

"I love you, Mildred." She hears Gwendolyn say into her hair, and Mildred smiles. _Finally,_ she thinks, clutching at Gwendolyn's back. "Don't leave me."

"I won't." Mildred says, into her shirt, which is growing damp with Mildred's tears. When they pull apart Mildred giggles weakly to see the stain there, dark on Gwendolyn's shirt.

Gwendolyn lets out a shaky sigh, and finally, _finally,_ smiles.

"What a pair we are." She says, and Mildred giggles, and soon they are laughing. Because it's ridiculous, isn't it, how dramatic and relentless their lives are. How, against the odds, they have come together. Their laughter dies out eventually, and they are left looking at each other.

"Well then," Gwendolyn says, a little of her confidence returning to her drawling voice. She reaches for her glass on the floor by the sofa takes a sip of champagne, and now that she has confessed her illness to Mildred, Gwendolyn seems to be able to meet her eyes again. They look at each other in the night, and Mildred's stomach flutters. "What shall we do now?"

"Ah." Mildred says shyly, and smiles. "We have the entire night, alone, if you recall."

"Oh?" Gwendolyn's mouth is twitching into a genuine smile, at last, at last. "What are you implying, Mildred?"

"Well, I- Nothing." Mildred turns pink. "Only that there is lost time to make up for."

"You have certainly made sure of that." Gwendolyn says, "Though I think I would've waited a lifetime for you."

Mildred smiles, bright.

"How do you propose we spend the time?" Mildred asks. Gwendolyn raises an eyebrow, and Mildred's knees feel weak. She has never felt such emotion, at a single glance. No man could ever make her feel this way.

"Another record, perhaps." Gwendolyn drawls, drifting over to the record player.

Mildred sits back on the sofa. She lets out a long breath she didn't realise she'd been holding, since she arrived here. Finally, they are on the right track. The living room looks different now - it seems lighter. And Gwendolyn moves with more energy than before, Mildred thinks. She is positively bouncing from the record player to the sofa.

"Are you going to share your blanket?" She asks, and Mildred smiles and lets Gwendolyn inside of it. She is not tucked up close enough that they are touching, but Mildred feels her warmth despite this. Just a little closer, Mildred thinks.

"I want to spend many nights with you, like this." Mildred sighs, "By the fire, listening to records, sitting together."

"Do you?" Gwendolyn asks, an invitation for her to continue speaking.

"I have never had a home. There has never been anywhere safe for me." Mildred looks at Gwendolyn, and loves her here in her mother's living room, and will love her anywhere. "But I think I could make a home with you."

Gwendolyn looks back at her, and a tiny smile blooms in her cheeks. A shy flower, Mildred thinks, about to burst into petals with full colour.

"I wish to walk beside you, and shop with you, and work with you, and garden with you, and cook with you." Mildred reaches for Gwendolyn's hand, and Gwendolyn lets her take it. "I want to spend forever beside you."

Gwendolyn looks down at their hands.

"I dreamed about this so many times." Gwendolyn says quietly. Another admission, spoken softly in the dark. Gwendolyn is opening up at last, and Mildred couldn't be more pleased. "I keep waiting for the catch."

"There is none. This, right now, this is real." Mildred smiles, "Though there is a reality for us to return to, soon."

"Do we have to?" Gwendolyn shuffles closer to her. Her knees brush against Mildred's, their thighs pressing together, and Mildred feels it, warm and close. Finally, she thinks, Gwendolyn is initiating contact. She has wanted Gwendolyn to touch her for so long.

"I'm afraid so. We need to stop running away." Mildred says, lifting their hands to kiss the back of Gwendolyn's. "But you can always find a home in me, when reality becomes too much."

"Oh, Mildred." Gwendolyn sighs.

Gwendolyn shrugs the blanket from herself, opting instead to wrap it around Mildred's shoulders. Smiling, brightly beside her, Gwendolyn looks beautiful, and Mildred smiles back, filled with gladness. It is a surprise when Gwendolyn drops her hands and brushes the hairs away from Mildred's face away instead.

Her fingers are gentle and light on Mildred's face, brushing over her cheeks, her forehead. As if she is touching something precious. A prized gem.

"You have ruined me." Gwendolyn says, her eyes flickering over Mildred's face, "I love you."

When Gwendolyn leans towards her, Mildred's world stops for a moment. Her eyes flutter shut, and when Gwendolyn's lips press against her own, she melts. It is more than Mildred expected, and she has imagined the kiss often. It is sweet and warm and so, so right. Gwendolyn's kiss is tender, as their lips separate and meet over and over again. Mildred feels as if she is unravelling.

After a while it is not enough - Mildred can't take it. She needs to be closer, needs to know that Gwendolyn is real and here and wants her. She grasps at Gwendolyn's shirt, pulling her down onto the sofa so that she is closer, pressed deeper against her lips. Mildred makes up for her inexperience with enthusiasm. Gwendolyn smiles against her mouth.

"Slow down," Gwendolyn breathes, pressing a kiss to her jaw, "I'm not going anywhere."

"Be quiet and come here." Mildred says firmly, and kisses her again, wrapping her arms around Gwendolyn's neck. She has positioned them so that Gwendolyn is lying above her on the sofa, and it was a fantastic decision - here Gwendolyn's entire body is pressed against her, warm and glorious.

Gwendolyn laughs and meets her halfway, her hands warm on Mildred's face. She takes control of the kiss, again, lightening it, and Mildred chases her mouth.

"Look at you." Gwendolyn says, her lips plump shining. Her entire face is smiling, happiness radiating from her at last, at last. "Mildred, you are-"

Mildred breathes, flushed pink, staring up into Gwendolyn's face. Gwendolyn looks back at her with such raw wonder, as if she is in awe.

"I can hear your heart." Gwendolyn touches Mildred's chest, presses her palm there.

"It belongs to you." Mildred says, and Gwendolyn inhales sharply and kisses her again. Firmer, this time, with so much feeling in it Mildred fears she might cry again. Darling, darling, she thinks, as Gwendolyn's tongue slips into her mouth.

Mildred runs her hand over the back of Gwendolyn's shoulders, humming sweetly. She has never felt so much before. Her heart, pounding. Her stomach, warm and fluttering and aching. She feels as if her whole body has went weak, melted without her permission. Gwendolyn is unravelling knots that Mildred never knew existed.

Just as quickly Gwendolyn lightens the kiss again, peppering soft kisses to her mouth.

"You mustn't tease." Mildred whines, pulling Gwendolyn down by her neck, and Gwendolyn chuckles. The record is still playing, Gwendolyn realises.

"You're so eager, Mildred." Gwendolyn says, amused.

"You must kiss me." Mildred says, and Gwendolyn laughs and does.

Closer, closer, Mildred wants to be closer to her. As if they are not two bodies but one. She can smell Gwendolyn, perfume and musk and champagne. She can feel Gwendolyn against her, stronger and bigger than she is. Mildred wishes to be consumed by her.

Gwendolyn pulls away to press a delicate kiss against her neck, and then another. It's sensitive, their, a delicate, fluttering feeling.

"Ah." Mildred breathes, her hands running up and down Gwendolyn's back.

"Mildred." Gwendolyn says warmly, against her skin, and kisses her neck more deeply. She gets hooked on one spot, and it's lovely, the way it feels. Mildred arches into her. "Sweetheart."

"Take me to bed." Mildred says.

Gwendolyn pulls away and looks up at her, wide eyed.

"What did you say?"

"Take me to bed." Mildred says again, and Gwendolyn's eyes flicker to her lips, her chest rising and falling uneasily.

"Mildred, you-" Gwendolyn bites her lip, "Are you sure? I-"

"Please." Mildred says, "Gwendolyn, I want- I want you to make love to me."

Gwendolyn smiles, tender and pretty, and runs the back of her hand over Mildred's cheek.

"You do?"

Mildred nods.

"You can have me." Mildred says.

There is a silence before Gwendolyn laughs, and takes her in her arms, and lifts her.

She carries Mildred to her bedroom. It is sort of arousing, that Gwendolyn can lift her so easily, that she can throw Mildred onto the bed like that, and climb over her, without breaking a sweat. The thought of rougher circumstances makes Mildred swallow, a warm glow of arousal blooming in her stomach.

"You are wonderful." Gwendolyn says, leaning down to kiss her, her hands tangling in Mildred's hair. She unravels the bun in her hair while she presses kisses to Mildred's lips. "You are- Goodness, I love you."

"Enough talking." Mildred protests, tugging at Gwendolyn's shirt, and Gwendolyn chuckles and kisses her, still slightly.

"I'm sorry, Mildred, I'm just happy." Gwendolyn says, her kisses falling all over Mildred's face. "And it was just so funny, the way you-"

Mildred pouts and Gwendolyn kisses it, still laughing giddily. And Mildred wouldn't admit it, but she adores the sound so much that she doesn't mind the teasing, doesn't mind the fact that Gwendolyn is hardly serious in the slightest.

"If you cannot be serious, Gwendolyn, then I will just have to take care of myself." Mildred says. Gwendolyn pauses, her laughter dying down. Something darkens in her eyes.

"What exactly do you mean by that?" Gwendolyn's eyes flicker over her body. "Are you in the habit of _taking care of yourself_ , Mildred?"

"Well," Mildred says, running her tongue over her bottom lip. "Yes, I am. No hands but my own have been able to... satisfy me, you see."

"So you pleasure yourself?" Gwendolyn's smile has faded completely, now, and her eyes are growing darker, darker. Luring Mildred in. Burning up her skin. "Tell me, is there anything in particular you think of, when you do?"

Mildred swallows. Oh, yes, she had imagined things indeed. Her eyes flicker away from Gwendolyn's, but Gwendolyn takes her chin between her thumb and finger and turns her head so she meets Mildred's eyes. A hint of an amused smile is back on her face.

"Oh, no, you started this." Gwendolyn says, "You can't hide from me now."

"Well, I-" Mildred feels unsteady, as Gwendolyn pins her down with her gaze, "I thought of... Oh, alright, I thought of you. When I imagined you touching me it was so easy to-"

Gwendolyn swallows her words with a kiss, her hands more insistent on Mildred's face, now. Her kiss is rougher, deeper, just as Mildred had wanted it. Mildred gasps and arches into her, tugging at Gwendolyn's shirt.

"You are the devil." Gwendolyn says, against her skin, as Mildred unbuttons her shirt. She wants to touch Gwendolyn's skin, to feel her, but Gwendolyn stills her hands with a single touch. "No, Mildred. Not yet."

"My patience is running thin." Mildred warns.

"That's a shame." Gwendolyn says. Her smile glints with something dangerous and Mildred feels warmer, impossibly warmer, with arousal. Mildred reaches up to kiss her and Gwendolyn pushes her back down onto the bed again with that same smile.

"What are you doing?" Mildred giggles. Gwendolyn looks at her for a long moment, before tugging the bottom of Mildred's dress and yanking it over her head. Mildred lies on Gwendolyn's bed, in only her plain lingerie. The sheets beneath Mildred's back are soft against her skin.

"Oh, Mildred." Gwendolyn sighs, her eyes flickering over Mildred's body. "You're divine."

Mildred swallows. The praise sends a jolt of electricity down her spine, and Gwendolyn notices - her eyes crinkle.

"Do you like that?" Gwendolyn asks. She looks down at Mildred, and then holds out her hand. "Come here."

Mildred takes it, and sits up. Gwendolyn pulls Mildred to her and presses a kiss into her hair.

"Good girl, Mildred." She says warmly, into her ear, unclipping the clasp from Mildred's bralette. Her hands linger on the bare skin of Mildred's back before she leans down and presses a kiss to Mildred's jaw, her neck, her collarbones, her shoulders.

And then- then her chest. Gwendolyn presses a warm kiss to her breasts, and Mildred sighs. It feels so lovely, to have Gwendolyn kiss her there, and so wonderful when Gwendolyn takes one of Mildred's nipples into her mouth.

Her hands pull Mildred onto her lap, and Mildred can do nothing but obey the touch, her hands buried in Gwendolyn's hair.

"Aren't you lovely?" Gwendolyn says, pausing her kisses to trail her hand down the centre of Mildred's chest. She returns to sucking on Mildred's nipples, by turn, and smiles when Mildred lets out a small moan.

Sitting on Gwendolyn's lap, with so much attention being paid to her, Mildred feels herself grow wet and needy. She gasps when Gwendolyn's fingers brush over the outside of her panties. They stroke, lightly, and Mildred makes a sound in her throat, longing for more, more, more than just Gwendolyn nipping at the edge of her nipple.

"I can feel how wet you are." Gwendolyn breathes, against her chest.

"For you." Mildred says, pushing against Gwendolyn's hand, and Gwendolyn chuckles low and soft.

"Mildred, you must behave," Gwendolyn says firmly, and Mildred feels a sharp shock of pleasure.

"And if I don't?" Mildred asks, tugging Gwendolyn down by her shirt to kiss her again, and Gwendolyn pulls her away roughly and pushes her off her lap.

Mildred lands on her back on the bed, breathing hard. Gwendolyn climbs over her, and holds Mildred face between her hands.

"Don't you want me to touch you?" Gwendolyn asks, "I'm sure that's what you said. You must be _good,_ and I said patience, did I not?"

Mildred can't help but smile. She likes this, being commanded, being held down. It is both arousing and comfortable, so sexy and yet completely safe. Gwendolyn smiles back, and reaches down to nuzzle their noses together.

"There we are." Gwendolyn says sweetly, "Good girl."

Her hands dance slowly over Mildred's panties, pressing delicately. Mildred wants more, more, but it is worth it obeying Gwendolyn - for Gwendolyn is sweet and kind, and praises her, and kisses her thighs, and touches her more if she waits for it.

Then, slowly, slowly, her fingers pull away the knickers.

"See?" Gwendolyn says, kissing the inside of her thigh. "It is better when you submit to me."

"Oh, please, darling." Mildred says, "Don't tease."

Gwendolyn runs a finger through her wetness, and Mildred inhales quickly. It is already too much, the warmth and the pleasure.

"You're doing so well." Gwendolyn says, and her finger brushes against Mildred's clit. Mildred moans, and is almost embarrassed at the sound, before she sees the pleased flush in Gwendolyn's cheeks. "Oh, Mildred. You don't know how often I dreamed of this."

"I think I do." Mildred says, breathlessly, as Gwendolyn draws soft circles around her clit. Gwendolyn presses a warm kiss to her mouth, tongue and teeth. Mildred can feel how flushed she is, how happy and full of longing. Despite her insistence Gwendolyn's rhythm is unsteady and quickly grows faster and harder as Mildred moans.

"Won't you go inside of me?" Mildred whispers, burning up. Gwendolyn chuckles.

"You really are impatient," She scolds, nipping at Mildred's throat. But it is not long before she wets her finger and slips a finger inside of Mildred, and Mildred gasps and arches into it. Not enough, not enough, even as Gwendolyn pushes deep inside of her.

"You're so wonderful." Gwendolyn breathes against her neck.

"Oh, oh, please," Mildred gasps, "Please, Gwendolyn, more."

And so Gwendolyn presses another finger inside of her, breathing against Mildred's skin, harder and deeper than before. Mildred's moan is caught in her throat and Gwendolyn kisses her, with enough love in it that the combination of pleasure and happiness brings tears to Mildred's eyes.

"I love you." Mildred says, and Gwendolyn's breath trembles as she thrusts. Erratic, now, their little game far from their minds as Mildred makes those noises of pure pleasure. She feels so full and warm, so caught in the pleasure Gwendolyn is causing her.

"Mildred," Gwendolyn sighs, and Mildred kisses her. The pleasure is too much, and she comes like that, shuddering in Gwendolyn's arms. It is warm and so full of ecstasy, so wild and untamed, far from the usual Mildred Ratched she presents to the world.

There is a moment where Mildred breathes slowly as she calms down, and Gwendolyn smiles down at her with all of the love in the world.

"My darling." Gwendolyn breathes, tears stinging her eyes. Mildred smiles back. "Oh, Mildred, I do love you."

"And I love you, Gwendolyn." Mildred says. She holds out her arms, and Gwendolyn comes to her, embracing her tightly. "So very much."

Gwendolyn is warm against her, and, Mildred thinks, irritated, she is still in her clothes. While Gwendolyn is still hazy and distracted Mildred manages to unbutton her shirt and pull it away from her shoulders.

"You have come back to life." Gwendolyn chuckles.

"This simply will not do." Mildred says, pulling away Gwendolyn's trousers too, "I need to be closer to you."

She holds Gwendolyn, with her bare skin pressed against Mildred's now, and feels there is nothing more lovely in all of the world. She kisses Gwendolyn, and kisses her, and kisses her, until she feels Gwendolyn's wetness against her leg.

"Do you want me, darling?" Mildred asks gently, "Because I do not have much experience, but I wish to- I wish to make you feel the same way you made me feel."

Gwendolyn smiles, flushed.

"I could teach you." She murmurs.

"Please," Mildred smiles, pushing her knee between Gwendolyn's legs. Up, higher, and Gwendolyn shudders and thrusts against it. "You will be glad to know I am a quick learner."

*

Mildred has been looking for a home and there is no place more like it than waking in Gwendolyn's arms.

Warm, naked, completely comfortable. Her face is pressed into Gwendolyn's neck and she breathes in her smell. With her legs wrapped in Gwendolyn's, and her arms clinging to her tightly, there is no space between them, not even a small one.

"Good morning." Gwendolyn says warmly, stroking Mildred's hair. She runs her hands through it over, and over again, and Mildred loves the feeling.

"Gwendolyn." Mildred says, "Good morning."

Gwendolyn leans down to kiss her, warm, and Mildred is convinced that nothing in the world could ever separate them. Not Edmund, not cancer, not the world.

Gwendolyn nuzzles her face, with her nose, when they pull apart. Mildred has come to learn she is so gentle and so caring, so full of love that it hurts. Mildred sees her glowing in the early morning light and is almost scared of how much she loves her.

"We must fly back to California, soon." Mildred says. Gwendolyn frowns, tucking a lock of hair behind Mildred's ear.

"Must you ruin the moment?" She sighs. Mildred smiles.

"We don't have to be there for long." Mildred promises, "I just need to tie up a few loose ends, and then we can go anywhere. Do anything. We'll find a doctor, and make a home. It will be wonderful."

"You are surprisingly optimistic." Gwendolyn smiles. "I think it's rubbing off on me."

"Good," Mildred says. "We can't rest yet."

"We must face the world together, I suppose." Gwendolyn says, but she doesn't look scared anymore. She is as brave as ever.

"Are you ready?" Mildred asks, smiling.

"Yes," Gwendolyn smiles back, "Yes, Mildred, I think I am."

*

(Before they leave, Marjorie will ask Mildred, _will you take care of my daughter?_

It is the second time one of Gwendolyn's loved ones has asked Mildred to take care of Gwendolyn. She is not sure she is up to the task. How could she comfort and soothe and care for Gwendolyn, when so often she does not know how to care for herself.

But then she sees Gwendolyn outside, sitting waiting for her in her car, with a smile as bright as the sun above her. Then Mildred thinks, yes, I can take care of her. Yes, we will take care of each other. It is a promise that she will fulfil for the rest of their lives.)


End file.
